Saturday, July 26, 2008

Candyhol 4; Jelly Belly Extravaganza!

Hello ladies and gentleman, hello one and all. Your friendly neighborhood Crowley here, ready to delight you with tales of our drunken search for the perfect candy-flavored booze.

It was bound to happen, of course. When testing the 'booze + tasty candy = wonderfulness' equation, one (or four and friends, as the case may be) must eventually turn to that giant, monolithic wonder of all weird, tasty candy.

That's right, Candyhol IV is, in reality, just Candyhol: Jelly Belly, Part 1.

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However, we must remember that the boozy/candy equation is not foolproof. It can lead us not into wonderfulnees, but into dire horrendousness, as we shall see. And yes, horrendousness is a word. It is now, at least.

The picture above illustrates our five experiments for the night (clockwise from the sorta-greenish one to the right); 7-Up, strawberry cheesecake, cotton candy, root beer, and buttered popcorn. The picture below illustrates our two willing victims...I mean, guest participants, Shillelagh and Maximo.

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(Names are changed to protect their anonymity. Faces are unblurred 'cause I'm a dick.)

And so we begin. The candyhol is mixed, and arranged in many different pleasing configurations...

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...none of which have the slightest thing to do with the flavor of the boozes, but dammit we took these pictures, so I'm gonna use 'em.

Then, we shake them, not unlike a trademarked instant photograph.

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(Saofoir is utterly flabbergasted at the sheer beauty of tonight's experiments. And the incipient liver damage we all face.)

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(One big happy, drunken, kinda special family.)


Having done this a few times now, we have come to understand what our creations will look like during their metamorphosis. This did not prepare us, however, for the alien insect egg-like appearance of the 7-Up;

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(Complete with soda-flavored amniotic fluid!)

Or the buttermilk-esque look of the buttered popcorn.

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(Shock! Gasp! Awe! Lactose-intolerance!)

Finally, the moment of truth arrived, and it was time for the first Jelly Belly tasting.

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Strawberry cheesecake was easily the crowd-pleaser of the night. Sweet, smooth, thick-but-not-too-thick...if there was a general winner, this would be it. Cotton candy was good, in many of the same ways the cheesecake was good (although much thinner), but it just couldn't hold a candle to the strawberry cheesecake. 7-Up was a bit of a surprising let-down, tasting of a somewhat mediciney, low-grade lemon/lime vodka (which, in all honesty, is pretty much what it was).

The real show of the night were the two odd men out; root beer and buttered popcorn. We were split about right down the middle on both; some of us detest root beer, some of us love it. All of us pretty much inhale buttered popcorn as a guilty pleasure, but in Jelly Belly form, a fair portion of us liken it unto the devil.

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(Back! Back, Typsie says, you foul, buttered beast!)

As members of the pro-root beer faction, Matt and I whole-heartedly enjoyed this flavor.

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(That's a big room of 'Wha...?')

It tasted just like decent quality root beer, with almost no alcohol burn. This meant, of course, that those who didn't like root beer to begin with didn't like it, but meh, you can't please everyone.

The buttered popcorn, however...

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...engendered some markedly different reactions.

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(Saofoir and I are in buttered, boozy heaven.)














(Matt, on the other hand, feels much, much differently.)


Don't believe what you hear, the buttered popcorn was a little slice of alcoholic nirvana.

Before I hand out the drink recipes, cheers from your friendly neighborhood Crowley once more. Good luck, and goodnight.


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Popstar Kamikaze

1 oz Triple Sec
1/2 oz Vodka
1/2 oz lime juice
1 oz 7-Up candyhol
1 oz Cotton Candy candyhol
1 lime wedge

Strawberry Birthday Cake

(in a tumbler)

2 oz Strawberry Cheesecake candyhol
2 oz cream or soymilk
1 oz Tuaca

Grandpa's Sasparilla

1 oz Root Beer candyhol
1 oz rotgut Whiskey or Bourbon

2 comments:

miss said...

I must ask... what's the bottle of bleach for?? :)

Crowley said...

the bottle of bleach? that's for when Matt gets uppity.